Humorous Anti-Japanese Puns

30 October 2006

Anti-Japanese sentiment is rife and growing in China. The following message came by SMS from a Chinese friend. While pretty crude and racist, it is at least leavened by humour. Some may find it rather offensive, but it is actually kind of witty. A transliteration and explanation can be found below.

日本军人很色，所以叫黄军，好色就要干那事，所以叫日军，战败后不能干那事了，只能自己解决，于是改名叫自慰队，自慰就是干自己，所以叫日本人。

Rìběn jūnrén hěn sè, suǒyǐ jiào Huángjūn, hàosè jiù yào gàn nà shì, suǒyǐ jiào Rìjūn, zhànbài-hòu bù néng gàn nà shì le, zhǐ néng zìjǐ jiějué, yúshì gǎimíng wéi Zìwèi-duì, zìwèi jiù shì gàn zìjǐ, suǒyǐ jiào Rìběnrén.

The puns involved include:

黄军 Huángjūn 'Yellow army', i.e., 'pornographic army', pronounced the same as 皇军 Huángjūn 'Imperial Army'.
日 rì, which has two meanings: 'sun' and 'fuck' (slang). It is the 日 in 日本 Rìběn ('Japan', i.e., 'source of the sun'). It's also necessary to know that 本人 běnrén means 'the person him/herself'.
自慰 zìwèi 'self-consolation', i.e. 'masturbation', is pronounced the same as 自卫 zìwèi 'self defence'.

The above passage thus becomes:

Japanese military personnel are lecherous, that's why they are called the 'Imperial Army' (= 'Pornographic Army'). Lecherous means they want to do that thing, that's why they are called the 'Japanese Army' (= 'Fuck Army'). After their defeat they couldn't do that thing any more, they could only resolve it themselves, so their changed their name to the 'Self-Defence Forces' (= 'Masturbation Forces'). Masturbation means fucking yourself, that's why they are called Japanese (= 'fuck self').

Alternative version:

The following version, from 2005, can be found on the Internet here and here. It is more focused on political issues (Koizumi and the comfort women issue), which makes it less nakedly racist.

记者：请问，以前的日本军队中有妓女是吗？
Jìzhě: Qǐngwèn, yǐqián de Rìběn Jūnduì zhōng yǒu jìnǔ shì ma?

小泉：没有，只有慰安妇，我们日她们，所以叫日军。
Xiǎoquán: Méi yǒu, zhǐ yǒu wèiānfū, wǒmen rì tāmen, suǒyǐ jiào Rìjūn

记者：那现在日本军队中还有慰安妇吗？
Jìzhě: Nà xiànzài Rìběn Jūndùi zhōng yǒu wèiānfū ma?

小泉：没有，他们现在都自慰，所以叫自慰队。
Xiǎoquán: Méi yǒu, tāmen xiànzài dōu zìwèi, suǒyǐ jiào Zìwèiduì.

记者：那你们怎么会叫日本人呢？
Jìzhě: Nà nǐmen zěnme huì jiào Rìběnrén ne?

小泉：因为我们都自慰，就是日自己，所以叫日本人。
Xiǎoquán: Yīnwèi wǒmen dōu zìwèi, jiù shì rì zìjǐ, suǒyǐ jiào Rìběnrén.

Reporter: Please tell me, were there prostitutes in the Japanese Army in the past?

Koizumi: No, there were only comfort women. We fucked them, so we were called the Japanese Army (=Fuck Army).

Reporter: Are there comfort women in the Japanese Army now?

Koizumi: No, now they masturbate, so they are called the Self-Defence Forces (=Masturbation Forces).

Reporter: Then why are you called Japanese?

Koizumi: Because we all masturbate, that is to say, fuck ourselves, so we are called Japanese (=Fuck self).