Translating Ishigami's letters in 容疑者Xの献身 ('The Devotion of Suspect X') into Chinese

(How Liu Ziqian turned Ishigami from a misfit otaku into a possessive boyfriend)

8 September 2018 (latest update 5 Oct 2020)

In earlier posts, I looked at the letters that Ishigami, posing as a stalker, sent to Yasuko when she was seeing Kudo (工藤 kudō), how Ishigami utilises 'student translationese' in those letters to present himself as a socially inept, robotic, obsessive otaku, and how the English translation took some liberties with the style and content of the letters to alter the portrayal of Ishigami's psychology and attitudes.

The book has also been translated into Chinese, raising the question: Has the translator managed to capture the tone of the letters (if at all), and if not, exactly what kind of Ishigami/stalker emerges from them?

As with English, most features of 'student translationese' are difficult or impossible to directly convey in Chinese. The inappropriate personal pronouns and their insistent use cannot be replicated since Chinese has fixed personal pronouns in ubiquitous use — although they are more likely to be dropped than in English. Chinese does not explicitly mark politeness levels of verbs, and imperatives are not inherently rude. Chinese does have translationese from Western languages, but while sometimes subject to criticism it has largely been naturalised.

Consequently, for the most part we will focus on the wider features of style and how the stalker's "voice" is presented in translation.

In fact, the Chinese translator makes no attempt to render Ishigami's letters in translationese. Instead, she continues to use the modern literary style that she uses in the body of the book: a form of modern written Chinese that incorporates certain elements from the older literary language — pronouns, demonstratives, and other grammatical features — and exploits the resources of the writing system to achieve a polished, succinct, and elegant diction. Writing in such a style is second nature to educated Chinese, especially products of a literate higher education. It is a style frequently employed for writing letters or more formal documents.

It is important to remember, however, that despite its predilection for literary expressions, this modern style is not itself literary Chinese: it is an elevated form of the modern colloquial that freely includes, or to be more accurate, requires elements from the ordinary spoken language. Grammatical particles of a non-literary nature, like 就 jiù 'just' and 才 cái 'only', and 了 le (past marker), are essential to this style, as are everyday expressions like 想想 xiǎng xiǎng 'have a think', all of which are found in Ishigami's letters. Such expressions have a more informal, natural, and livelier flavour than literary diction and are an essential part of modern prose.

Within Ishigami's letters, this hybrid style results in a subtle contrast between 'cooler', 'more objective', 'more distant' prose, and segments where the cadences of everyday speech shine through, whether to add emphasis, make demands, or express attitudes. The differences between spoken and written styles are not absolute, but there is a clear difference of tone involved in using one of the other.

On this page:

A. Point-by-point comparison

The first letter
The second letter
The third letter
The fourth letter (a)
The fourth letter (b)
The fourth letter (c)

A. Point-by-point comparison

The first letter

The Chinese consists of short sentences in which Ishigami talks down to Yasuko. Criticisms are direct and portions telling her what to do use expressions from everyday speech. The total effect is somewhat "bossier" than the original Japanese. Where the Japanese is niggling, the Chinese is browbeating.

• In criticising Yasuko's makeup, the rendition as 你的妆化得很浓 nǐ de zhuāng huà de hěn nóng 'you apply your makeup very thickly' is an unveiled accusation, differing from the Japanese in:
  • Ignoring ようだ yō da 'appears to be', and
  • Translating 少し sukoshi 'a little' as 很 hěn 'very, quite'.

• Like the Japanese, the concern about coming home late is couched in an impersonal style: 你的晚归也很令人在意 nǐ de wǎnguī yě hěn lìng rén zàiyì 'Your returning late also greatly concerns people'. While the delivery is similar, the heightened diction of the Chinese gives it considerably more gravitas than the homely 気になる ki ni naru 'is concerning'.
  • 晚归 wǎnguī 'late return' is from the set written expression 早出晚归 zǎochū wǎnguī 'go out early come home late'.
  • 很令人在意 hěn lìng rén zàiyì 'very much makes people concerned' is an impersonal expression from the written language that uses the literate causative form 令 lìng 'to cause'. This is actually a naturalised piece of translationese, a set style of expression that arose in order to handle adjectives from European languages on the pattern of 'impressive' ('which impresses people'), 'alarming' ('which alarms people'), 'interesting' ('which interests people'), etc.

On the other hand, Ishigami's instructions to Yasuko for improving her behaviour have a more colloquial feel.

• 就该 jiù gāi 'just should', which echoes speech, translates the familiar imperative なさい -nasai:
  • 该 gāi means 'should'.
• 就 jiù, meaning something like 'just', is an emphatic adverbial that adds force to the statement.
We can virtually hear Ishigami's voice as he talks at Yasuko telling her to come home early.

• 才适合你 cái shìhé nǐ (Japanese: ...のほうがよく似合う ...no hō ga yoku niau '...suits you better') 'only [this] suits you'. This is the language of everyday life but the effect is more assertive than the Japanese original.

The second letter:

Overall, the second letter in Chinese sounds less caring and more domineering than the original. The Chinese largely loses the progression from solicitude to bossiness.

The first and second sentences, tending towards a written style, lose the stalker's rather disingenuous attempt at intimacy in the Japanese. On the other hand, when he says why he rings every night, Ishigami uses a spoken expression that sounds more emphatic than the Japanese. The final section, also using emphatic spoken language, is similar in tone to the Japanese.

With the exception of the first sentence, much of the letter is in a spoken style.

• The written term 是否 shìfǒu 'have you not?' (colloquial equivalent: 是不是 shìbushì) is used to translate the relatively friendly Japanese expression あるんじゃないのか arun' ja nai no ka 'is there?'.

• 希望 xīwàng '(I) hope' is used to translate てほしい -te hoshii '(I) want you to'. This is phrased as a request, not a command, but is less inviting than the Japanese.

To explain his frequent phone calls, Ishigami uses the spoken-style 就是为了这个才 jiù shi wèile zhège cái 'it's precisely for this that'. This is the language of everyday life in Chinese and (in the context and depending on the intonation of the two versions) comes across as slightly stronger than the Japanese.

• 就是 jiù shi adds emphasis.
• 才 cái here is relatively colloquial and means 'only, just, actually'.

The strong advice 私のいうことだけを聞いていればいい Watashi no yū koto dake o kiite ireba ii 'you should listen to / do only what I tell you' is rendered as 你只要听我的话就好 nǐ zhǐ yào tīng wǒ de huà jiù hǎo 'you should just listen to / do what I say', losing the sense of だけ dake 'only' in the original. The style is colloquial and assertive.

• 只要 zhǐ yào 'only need'
• 的话 de huà 'if'.
• 就好 jiù hǎo '(emphatic) is fine'

The third letter:

The third letter faithfully follows the contours of the Japanese but weeds out or ignores 'student translationese', making the language more logical and straightforward. The language is relatively vehement, including some spoken expressions which strengthen the impression of browbeating. At the point where Ishigami expresses confidence in Yasuko, then threatens what will happen if she is actually guilty, the Chinese reinforces the conditional by adding 真 zhēn 'really'.

One substantive difference is the translation of 味方 mikata 'ally', 'person on your side' as 战友 zhànyǒu 'comrade-in-arms', depicting a rather different relationship between Ishigami and Yasuko. Rather than just threatening to stop protecting Yasuko, the Chinese Ishigami cunningly appeals to their common cause.

In detail:

The first 'translationese'-style split sentence is:

不吉な予感がする。 Fukitsu na yokan ga suru. '(I) have an ominous premonition.'	貴女が私を裏切っているのではないか、というものだ。 Anata ga watashi o uragitte iru no de wa nai ka, to yū mono da. 'It is that you may be betraying me.'
我有不祥的预感， Wǒ yǒu búxiàng de yǔgǎn, 'I have an ominous premonition,'	我担心你会背叛我。 wǒ dānxīn nǐ huì bèipàn wǒ. 'I worry that you might betray me.'

There are two main differences from the Japanese:

• というものだ to yū mono da 'it is that...' is omitted and 我担心 wǒ dānxīn 'I worry (that)...' is added to express the Japanese のではないか no de wa nai ka 'could it be that'.

• The Chinese changes the time of the feared betrayal from the past or present (裏切っている uragitte iru 'are/have been betraying me') to the present or future (会背叛我 huì bèipàn wǒ 'might/will betray me').

The section where Ishigami expresses trust, followed by a threat not to forgive if that trust is broken, and the illogical reason for this, are subtly altered.

• At 如果真有这种事 rúguǒ zhēn yǒu zhèzhǒng shì 'if there really is this kind of thing' (もしそうなら moshi sō nara 'if this is so'), the Chinese adds the extra word 真 zhēn 'really', increasing the vehemence of his words. 这种事 zhèzhǒng shì 'this kind of thing' is colloquial in tone and strengthens the impact.

• The awkward translationese expression 許さないだろう yurusanai darō 'will probably not forgive' is rendered as a strong, straightforward threat in Chinese: 我绝不会原谅 wǒ jué bú huì yuánliang 'I definitely won't/wouldn't forgive':
  • 绝 jué meaning 'absolutely' or 'definitely' is not in the original Japanese.
  • The auxiliary verb 会 huì 'will, may', while similar to だろう darō, is used for firm statements of possibility or ability. Speaking of one's own future actions, it is closer in nature to a commitment than だろう darō in Japanese.

• Ishigami's conclusion that he could not forgive Yasuko for a relationship with Kudō because he is her only ally is smoothed over. There are two main differences from the Japanese:
  • The illogical connector なぜなら naze nara 'that's because' is omitted.
  • 味方 mikata 'ally', having the sense of 'person who is on your side', is rendered as 战友 zhànyǒu 'comrade-in-arms'. Unlike the Japanese, this suggests solidarity between Ishigami and Yasuko. The stalker's logic — that the stalkee has no right to live life as she pleases — is muffled and transformed into an appeal to work together.

The letter on Ishigami's computer

The translated letter begins coldly but becomes increasingly vehement, reflecting the content.

Ishigami points out that he has identified Kudō in a completely formal, literary style. The language is cold and impersonal. Where Ishigami refers to the enclosed photos, the Chinese uses a reproachful and menacing expression reminiscent of ordinary life, unlike the Japanese original which uses a condescending honorific. The indignant tone in the last two sentences reproduces the tone of the Japanese.

The combination of cold written language and elements from everyday speech create a hostile, strongly worded paragraph that is close to the effect of the Japanese.

For the first sentence, the Chinese uses typical written expressions:

The translation uses 来历 láilì 'origin' as a translation of Japanese 素性 sujō 'background, identity'.

The resulting style is cool and formal.

Ishigami points out that she should realise this since he has taken photos. The Japanese is polite in a condescending, sarcastic way. The Chinese sounds more menacing:

• 特地 tèdì 'specially' points out that Ishigami had to take special measures to reveal her transgressions.

• 你应该明白我的意思 nǐ yīnggāi míngbái wǒ de yìsi 'you should understand my meaning' is an expression from everyday life used when the speaker wishes to hint at but does not want to clearly spell out the implications of what was said. It can be used in veiled threats. In the context, Ishigami is noting darkly that he has caught Yasuko out.

The question about Yasuko's relationship with Kudō follows the Japanese in both tone and style. It starts with a spoken form typical of heated argument:

• 我想问你 Wǒ xiǎng wèn nǐ 'I want to ask you.'

The question itself slips back into a partly written style:

• 和 hé instead of colloquial 跟 gēn 'with'; 何 hé instead of colloquial 什么 shénme 'what?'.
• However, 这个 zhèige 'this' is in spoken style.

The final sentence, stating that a relationship with Kudō would be a serious betrayal, is a relatively straightforward translation with a hint of spoken language to convey extra expression:

• 那 nà 'then' is a spoken form used to follow on from conditionals.

Second section:

The translator uses a mixture of literary and spoken language to highlight the strong feelings of the paragraph. At one point phrases from everyday speech are doubled up to capture the argumentative tone of the Japanese. At another an exaggerated literary-style translation captures the stalker's impersonally delivered threat, resulting in an overdramatic tone where the Japanese is, if anything, less direct.

In detail:

The colloquial tone of Ishigami's question: ...と思っているのだ。 ... to omotte iru no da 'What do you think ...?' — meaning 'Don't you know ...!' is translated with a double-barrelled expression:

• 我想问你 wǒ xiǎng wèn nǐ 'I want to ask you', a typical expression found in ordinary conversation not out of place in arguments or heated discussions.
• 你也想想 nǐ yě xiǎngxiǎng 'You think (about it) too' urges the addressee to reflect on herself.

The translation conveys the stalker's assertion of his right to tell Yasuko what to do and his command to break up in a blunt style. To render the Japanese familiar imperative -なさい, the Chinese uses a plain imperative:

• 立刻...分手 lìkè ... fēnshǒu 'break up... immediately'.

The threat that the stalker's anger would go in the direction of Kudō is expressed dramatically in a literary manner. Whereas the Japanese simply consists of two intransitives (向かうことになる mukau koto ni naru literally 'come to go in the direction of') to make the sentence sound threateningly impersonal, the translator tends to exaggeration:

• 怒火烧 nùhuǒ shāo 'flames of anger (will) burn'.
• 向 xiàng 'in the direction of'. This post-verbal use of 向 xiàng is typical of the written language.

The translation plays up the intensity of Ishigami's potential anger and loses the linguistically impersonal nature of the threat.

This section is almost completely translated in a literary style. The withdrawal into cold impersonality is entirely appropriate to the content. Ishigami is no longer haranguing Yasuko; he is coldly threatening to eliminate her suitor and take revenge on her. The Chinese also eliminates vestiges of translationese in the original to make the threats more direct.

In detail:

In Chinese, virtually the entire section is in a literary or written style.

Typical elements include:

Perhaps the only truly spoken element is 让 rāng 'cause' instead of 令 lìng 'cause'.

Where the Japanese uses the peculiar sequence of 許さない yurusanai 'will not forgive', followed by 必ず報復するだろう kanarazu hōfuku suru darō 'definitely probably get revenge', at both places the Chinese is a direct threat: 我绝不允许 ... 我一定会报复 wǒ jué bu yúnxǔ ... Wǒ yídìng huì bàofu. 'I definitely will not allow ... I will certainly get revenge'.

• 許さない yurusanai 'will not forgive' is rendered as 绝不允许 jué bu yúnxǔ meaning 'will absolutely (or definitely) not allow', with 绝 jué 'absolutely/definitely' added for emphasis. (Note that the Chinese uses 允许 yúnxǔ 'allow' rather than 原谅 yuánliàng 'forgive' for 許す yurusu 'forgive' at this sentence, indicating a willingness to take action.)

• 必ず報復するだろう kanarazu hōfuku suru darō 'definitely probably get revenge' is rendered as 一定会报复 yídìng huì bàofu 'definitely will get revenge'. While 会 huì 'will' appears be a rendition of だろう darō, the two are not equivalent. The Chinese is natural, normal usage. The Japanese is strange and found only in translationese.

The use of 一定会 yídìng huì 'definitely may, will' in the second sentence is not appreciably weaker than 绝不 jué bù 'absolutely won't' in the first. The result is a firm and straightforward threat in both sentences in Chinese.

B. General comments on the Chinese translation

As we saw in our earlier post, the English translation takes a number of 'creative liberties' with the original. By contrast, there are few glaring errors or drastic alterations of meaning in the Chinese. Nevertheless, the Chinese does impart a subtly different colouring to the letters. This is partly due to the translator's stylistic decision to render the letters in the same literary mode as the body of the book, interspersed with ordinary speech.

Ishigami's voice in the Japanese original, while heavily coloured by 'student translationese', shows clear variation between letters, from the quiet but controlling tone of the first letter; the reaching out and reassuring tone of the second; the sudden harsher language of the third; and the anger and unrestrained threats of the fourth. Translationese is most noticeable in the last two letters, where it is used to oppressive effect.

The use of literary register from the outset in the Chinese helps muffle the changes in tone between the letters. This register is used to convey Ishigami's displeasure at Yasuko's attire and late hours (where the Japanese Ishigami is more low key but annoying), to sound Yasuko out on the changes in her behaviour (where the Japanese is disingenuously sympathetic), to express alarm at the possibility of betrayal (where the Japanese Ishigami shows strong signs of upset), and of course to express Ishigami's rage in the final letter. It is only at this final letter that the coolness of the literary style could really be said to have something like the effect of translationese in the original.

The spoken segments, on the other hand, are more heated in the Chinese. They are reminiscent of the language used in discussions and arguments in everyday life. Whether telling Yasuko what to wear and what times to keep (where the Chinese is more direct and overbearing than the original), explaining why he phones every night, confronting her with questions, or reminding her what he has done, the language is emphatic, familiar, and domineering. We can hear Ishigami haranguing Yasuko. The language is easily imagined as a lecture from a family member or boyfriend.

With its two styles, the Chinese translation simplifies and amplifies the tone of the letters, making them slightly less nuanced and slightly more strident than the original. The letters seem to be uniformly browbeating Yasuko into bowing to the stalker's wishes.

Coming from a stalker, the letters sound presumptuous and intrusive, the kind of attitude that a stalker might be expected to have. Coming from Ishigami, on the other hand, they seem to show Ishigami dropping his mask towards Yasuko. What lies behind the mask is not the emotional awkwardness of the otaku, nor the supercilious, pretended malice of the sociopath, but the possessive attitude of the controlling boyfriend, a cultural type that is largely taken for granted in China. This, too, is a kind of love, but it is a different kind of love from that found in the Japanese and the English.